Happiness

D and I have been getting fairly serious, talking about the possibility of someday having children and perhaps even getting married.  Neither of us has ever been too into the idea of marriage before, but it's starting to sound like it's not the worst idea.  We're a bit young, neither of us has been married before, we're probably both a bit naive on the subject, as this article suggests.

When I was a young girl, I never imagined my dream wedding to some prince or knight kinda guy.  I just imagined that one day I would be older (think 30-40) and I'd be happy.  I'd be independent and have my life all figured out, with a normal job that I enjoy going to everyday simply because I'm rewarded with a paycheck.  Maybe my dreams were lower than most, less ambitious than some.  Basically, I just wanted to someday feel as though I have a normal, stable life that keeps me happy mostly for its simplicity.  I just dreamed of happiness.

The problem I face now, is figuring out how to achieve that happiness.  I'm in my early twenties and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I spent a year and a half in college only to quit going partly because I didn't really have the funds (and I wasn't comfortable getting myself a student loan) and partly because I had no idea what the hell I was even going to classes for everyday.  My major was anthropology, and although it's definitely a passion of mine, it just doesn't seem lucrative.  I believe my dream of happiness I've had since I was a kid relies on me having a job in an industry that supplies plenty of stability.  (Too bad healthcare scares the hell out of me, it's probably the most stable industry around.)

Sometimes it makes me feel lost, but perhaps I'm just placing too much pressure on myself.  I am sick, though, of working retail sales jobs that seem so dead-end.  With the paychecks I earn from this, I feel like I'm not able to put away enough money to ever even work on my dreams... and so they seem further off than ever.